The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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