i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
