Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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