the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
