Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.