if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈