Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.