is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.