ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment