so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
