Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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