I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
