I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
