If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
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how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
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Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I believe in your delicious
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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