until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
