I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
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I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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