If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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