Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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