her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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