I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
