So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize