What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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