The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
