How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
