He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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