Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
