Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
