Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
