HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
