I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
