Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
