There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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