yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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