the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This is the high leading the old right now
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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