She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
be right there i have to get my cape
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
