He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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