my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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