He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I love having hate sex.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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