I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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