yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
