id be glad to
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
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Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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