I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
