No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
