can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
