i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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