Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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