I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
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I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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