2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
