Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
