i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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