She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Randomize
