Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize