Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
