I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize