what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
